The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 34

Welcome to the 34th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet that five of you will read because this is a special time in America where we honor Jesus defeating the English with nothing but an AK-47 and privatized health care by shooting fireworks into each others faces. So, enjoy this week’s smattering of comments, and also a tip of the hat to the commenters who brought true hilarity to my blackened heart. Namely every single dude who flipped the fuck out on the ‘Quentin Tarantino Sucked My Toes’ post. Apparently there’s a shocking amount of you who don’t realize women really do care about the size of our peni and tell all their friends how terrible we are in bed. Chances are if you’ve found yourself wondering if it’s too small, she’s told at least five people that it is, and also that time you farted when she took her pants off. Nothing is sacred which is why you should always go into sex like I do: With total disbelief that it’s happening and fully prepared that it won’t ever again because they hold all the vaginas. For now…

Yeesh, that came off rapey,